I babysit kids from time
to time when my acting gigs are down. I am also blessed to be the
Aunt to several nieces, bonus nieces and nephews. I see meltdowns at
all stages. The terrible twos where a child starts to demonstrate
signs of independence (No!), possession of things (Mine!) and when the
lack of vocabulary and possible approaching of naptime leads to the
epic meltdown.
This is when I see
parents, caregivers and teachers put to the test. Do they give in to
the reason of the meltdown? Do they attempt to make the meltdown a
teaching moment? Do they hold steadfast and reiterate what is the
correct behavior at the time or moment? Are they patient as they
deliver their message to someone, who is a red-faced, screaming,
crying, snotty-nosed mess?
I recently saw an example
of this as I was preparing to leave a child to his mother's care. I
had watched the child several times to the point that when he knows
that I will be watching him he is waiting at the door to greet me.
I had given him the warning that Mom would be returning soon with
dinner and that we needed to clean up the toy area and then wash our hands.
No tears. No fuss. Clean-up began. Then Mom came home with dinner.
The tears started. The anger boiled up. He was not ready for the
day of fun to end. “Noooooo! Go away!” he yelled at his Mom. I
intervened. “Now. I told you that we were going to clean up and
that Mommy was bringing home dinner and it would be time for me to
go.” He was not having any of it. “Nooooo! I want to play!”
Red-faced with anger, he pushes at his Mom. Count down to timeout
ensues and is put in place. The little red-faced, tear stained
terror goes to his time out chair and promptly picks it up and throws
it. Mom patiently picks up chair places it on the floor and tells
the Tiny Terror that he needs to sit down or more time will be added
to the time out. As the little man is serving his time, his Mom and
I reminisce how he would do the same trick with me as he tried to
figure out what was acceptable behavior for voicing an opinion.
“Times up.” Mom took
the tear-stained penitent by the hand and brought him over to me.
“You need to apologize for your behavior.” Remorse covered the
little prodigal's face. “I don't know how.” “I'll help you
get started.” guided the Mom. “I am sorry for my behavior.”
The wee pilgrim repeated the words and looked for more help. “I
got you started. You need to continue on your own.” Shame faced,
tear-stained the little prodigal continued “I am sorry for my
behavior. I know that I was wrong to throw a fit when playtime was
over. Will you forgive me?”
It had been difficult for
me to stay and wait for the apology with a neutral face. I wanted to
forgive him before he had asked, but in order for him to learn and to
grow he needed to humble himself and ask for forgiveness. He needed
to confess his wrong doing, which had been difficult for him to do,
but when he asked “Will you forgive me?” I rushed to him and
hugged him as I said “Yes.”
I left tear-stained myself
that day, because the picture of a mother taking a repentant
wrong-doer by the hand and guiding him over to apologize to the one
he had wronged reminded me of my own time for confession or the
better named reconciliation. I had a glimpse of the love God has for
us but how he holds back so that we can humble ourselves and admit
our wrong doings against Him. He is just waiting to hear the
words...”Will you forgive me?” and He rushes in to love on us as
we hear the words “I absolve you.” I have a hard time going to
confession. I know God loves me. I believe that there are two
reasons why I have a hard time; I have to humble myself and
acknowledge that I have done wrong and the other reason is that God
loves me and forgives me even though I have been abominable and I do
not deserve His forgiveness and love.
Who helps me get to
confession so that I can grow and learn? My mother, Mary. She takes
me by the hand and guides me. Even when I am at my most rebellious,
she calmly reminds me “You are mine. Come with me. I will start
you off...I am sorry for my behavior.” Then she patiently waits
for me to continue, holding my hand until I come before Him
saying...”Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
